Mar 16, 200602:22 PMThe Life

SCUBA breathing

My brother is an experienced SCUBA diver. And he's obsessed with getting "max bottom time." In other words, he wants to spend as much of his dive as possible exploring the reef, wreck, or whatever else might be on the ocean floor. That's why he once taught me an old diving technique for breathing very shallowly, to keep from wasting precious air.

For the past three days, I've been suffering from the mother of all colds. It's not bird flu, but it might as well be. I just want to crawl into a hole and die. Every time I suck in a lungful of air, my chest feels like it's being skewered with machetes.

So I've been SCUBA breathing for three days: inhaling just enough air to keep from blacking out. If you see me stand up quickly, it's probably best to back off and allow me some staggering room.