Here in this country, we inherit a hopeful feel for the independence that comes from being in command of our lives. How well we actually respond to the natural, practical and social realities that uplift or burden our circumstances depends in large part on the state of our cognitive independence.
Furthermore, daily life is a continuous experiment with changing conditions and circumstances. Commitments already undertaken must be accommodated. There’s the normal pressure of what’s expected: the standard exterior clash of wills with those who have claims upon us or those upon whom we make claim.
The clash of wills can be interior, too. Strengths and goals reached may conflict with sensibilities and longings not yet achieved. Yet there is a demand that we be in command of a responsible and effective response to all that comes our way.
So we have this quest. We desire to acquire this cognitive independence. But we also want to stay connected. We desire stability and security yet don’t think intolerance for the beliefs of others is the way to resolve the confusions of modern life. We want to enlarge our vision, not diminish it. And lastly, we want to uncover what is important to us and to make the decisions and calculations that shape the life we want to live and the contribution we hope to make.
But if we don’t make it our business to acquire the substantive autonomy that gives heft, mobility and persuasiveness to a life of our own design, we’ll find ourselves thwarted time and again.
The answer to what’s required for us to live a life of our own design? The ability to summon the patience to examine our life, to see where we’ve been thwarted by circumstance, by mindset or by the oversized American ego. In other words, it requires us to take up the discipline of autonomy and life.
There is great reward in this discipline. By reward, I mean it satisfies our aesthetic, emotional and ethical energies because the design includes not only what we’re responsible for and obligated to do, but also how we will give our nature, our hopes and our vision their due.
As we embark on this quest and take command of our lives, we set in motion what is important to us. We make decisions and calculations and take actions that shape a life of our own design.
Arnold Siegel is the founder of Autonomy and Life and the leader of its Retreat Workshops and Advanced Classes. Visit autonomyandlife.com for more information.