Though we know natural selection was at play concerning what our brains and bodies can and cannot do, we think our opinions, desires and antagonisms as well as our anxieties are inwardly formed and uniquely our own.
However, we are also social actors, formed in the pressure-filled mix of things. Timid or competent, our socially adaptive responses to this mix account for much of what we talk to ourselves about.
The natural and social demand for being responsible for ourselves, for self-sufficiency, for utility and contribution and for presence of mind (a right-sized ego-function) is endless. In fact, whether we think about it or not, these demands show up systemically—inside of us or outside of us (the judgment of others) as moral challenges. If we don’t meet them, we suffer.
How do we handle the moral challenge? With a discipline made for just this purpose. For example, let’s look at something as seemingly personal and poignant as our most passionate and deep relationships. When they’re exciting and empowering, they’re, well, perfect. And yes, in an ideal world, our relationships would always be perfect.
But when they’re not perfect, when our affections are not returned in kind or when love breaks our hearts, the moral challenge is still present. Whether we feel like it or not, we must summon the self-sufficiency to recover and, perhaps, forgive. Like it or not, we must wrest ourselves from the lows of disappointment, loss or failure and return ourselves wholeheartedly to meeting all the moral challenges to which we’re subject.
The discipline of Autonomy and Life is specifically designed to help us process how we accommodate in word, thought and action the demands of the social and systemic forms in which we find ourselves embedded.
With this new presence of mind, we learn to think about, consider, process, choose and manage our responses to the moral challenges that live socially and in our hearts. Taking up this discipline offers access to a heightened experience of life — based on our ability to develop and hold our center—our ego-function. It is our means to a life worth celebrating.
Arnold Siegel is the founder of Autonomy and Life and the leader of its Retreat Workshops and Advanced Classes. Visit autonomyandlife.com for more information.